This wasn’t the call I was expecting. I thought the call that would ‘change my life’ would actually be about me. But it was about my Mum. She’s in trouble. Words which bring up powerful emotions are being used to describe her state of health. She’s very ill.
Now nothing else matters but being with her and doing everything I can for her. To show her the love I feel for her. To give her back some of the love she gave me… the love which taught me how to live. Born in love, raised in love. I’m pretty lucky that way. Living in love is easy after a start like that.
Now comes an expression of love I’ve never experienced before. My needs don’t matter. It’s all about her. Whatever she wants, I am here for her. As I write this the sun has just risen over the blue Pacific Ocean. I’m with family in Lennox Head and I can hear the waves. The eternal waves. They say “The ocean has no memory”. Every wave is a fresh new expression of the rhythms of nature.
The sea has been a teacher of mine ever since I arrived in this Great Southern Land and was confronted by a landscape and a society I couldn’t immediately understand. For six months I would visit the beach every day and remember that saying. It taught me to be in the moment. This eternal moment of unfolding of life.
How do I tell people? What details do I tell them? Are there different bits of information for certain people? How do I respect my mother’s privacy? Or do I just put it out there and let them draw their own conclusions? Perhaps that’s best for family and close friends.
I was so fortunate to spend the day with two close friends yesterday who are Reiki Masters. We were at the Evolve Yoga festival. Yoga is about moving energy around the body. That was just what I needed. The only way to deal with emotions is to let them flow and be fully expressed. I am so grateful to my friends for being present with me yesterday as the emotions of sadness, of joy, of life passed through me and came out in tears, in smiles, and something so important to me – in dance.
So this is my challenge: to acknowledge the emotions whatever they are, to love and understand them – but to let them pass through me without getting stuck. They are changeable and fleeting and are constantly on the move just like a dance partner… but I will keep dancing with them for as long as I need…
* I wrote this a couple of weeks ago. I am now back in Cornwall with my folks and celebrating each day we are together. The picture is of Mum with the flowers she got for her birthday. Isn’t she a treasure?
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